


I'm Not Crazy, Just A Little Impaired

by destielsdessert



Category: Torchwood
Genre: Angst, Everyone Is Alive, Jack Needs a Hug, M/M, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-28
Updated: 2020-02-28
Packaged: 2021-02-28 03:27:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 11,646
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22927162
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/destielsdessert/pseuds/destielsdessert
Summary: When an ancient crystal turns up out of nowhere in the hub, it's a race against time for the team to figure out what it has done and where Ianto has gone before they lose him forever.
Relationships: Jack Harkness/Ianto Jones
Comments: 4
Kudos: 93





	I'm Not Crazy, Just A Little Impaired

**Author's Note:**

> im sorry if this makes no sense. i have no creativity but this has been plaguing me for a while now so i had to write it.

Jack's arms are folded across his chest as he watches over his team.

Toshiko and Gwen are sat at their respective desks and Owen has not long disappeared towards the autopsy bay. All are working hard and if anyone asks, that's what Jack is thinking about right now.

Except it's not, because Ianto is nowhere to be seen. He clenches his jaw, straightening himself up. Call him weird, but he hasn't heard from Ianto in a few hours and that just isn't something that he's used to, not any more.

It's maybe just a little overwhelming.

He narrows his eyes and watches Toshiko as she stares intently at whatever alien artefact she has in front of her, then watches Gwen as she types on her computer while reading something on her phone, then tunes in to the very faint sound of Owen pottering about with something metal in the autopsy bay.

Jack can ignore the odd feeling in the pit of his stomach. Ianto is probably working in the archives because even though Jack can't think of anything needing to be filed, Ianto will easily be able to find something. Jack smiles fondly at the thought. He can handle a few hours without Ianto, even if he feels weird about his absence, like there's something wrong because he knows he's just overreacting. So he isn't going to ask if anyone knows where he is, because he isn't that desperate. He isn't going to walk over there and bother everyone else just because he's missing the man who is probably doing his job.

But he does it anyway. "When was the last time either of you saw Ianto?"

He's sure his voice is calm, subtle, like he's asking because he just wants a coffee and not because he's lonely. Because he _is_ lonely, but they don't need to know that. And neither does Ianto.

Gwen doesn't move and whatever is on her phone must be interesting because it looks like she didn't even hear Jack at all, let alone does she seem aware that Jack is even here. Tosh shrugs lightly and she seems to only be half-listening but that's better than nothing.

He really doesn't want to ask Owen.

"Last I saw, he was making his way to the archives," she mumbles, not tearing her eyes away from the artefact she is prodding.

 _Tell me something I don't know, Tosh_ , Jack wants to say, but instead he shifts his weight onto his other foot and drums his fingers along his bicep.

After a few seconds of silence, Toshiko lifts her eyes to glance at her computer screen. "That was just over two hours ago, though." She returns her gaze to the artefact.

Two hours. Not unheard of for Ianto to spend that amount of times in the archives. If anything, that's just a short visit for him. Still, Jack feels uneasy. Ianto hasn't checked in on the comms to see if anyone would like anything and usually he would have by now, Jack is sure. He bites his lip.

At the continued silence, Toshiko lifts her head again. She glances at Jack, then at the artefact, then places the artefact on her desk. "Have you been looking for him?"

The fact that Jack is standing just outside of his office answers the question for her, but he shakes his head anyway. "No. I just thought he would have checked in by now."

Tosh looks thoughtful, though Jack isn't sure she's thinking about this.

"I'll check the archives," Jack says as he walks past her and Gwen. Gwen is still staring at her phone. _Must be Rhys_ , Jack wonders. He ignores the voice in the back of his head telling him to just use the comms, arguing that maybe Ianto doesn't have his with him. Maybe he wanted peace for a while. Which kind of defeats the purpose of Jack going to find him but he can't find it in himself to care.

The archives are silent which doesn't tell Jack much. He steps inside, listens for the rustling of paper but there's nothing. He rounds a corner and Ianto isn't there, but he does catch sight of something glowing blue out of the corner of his eye. It is placed ever-so-delicately on top of a file that Jack can't care to read because he finds himself being drawn towards the glowing blue thing. It's around the size of his palm and looks like a slightly transparent rock, a gold band circling the middle of it. The blue is so deep, so intense, so enticing, almost like a sapphire and he finds himself staring, tracing the edges with his eyes. When Jack stares closer, he can see that the gold band is etched with some form of writing but the language is unfamiliar to him. That's the first warning sign.

The second warning sign is when he suddenly has an unbelievable urge to _touch_ the rock. He barely has a chance to stop his hand before it touches the rock without him even noticing, and he takes three immediate steps backwards as fast as he can, almost tripping over his own feet. That's weird. That's seriously weird. He does not recognise this thing, has never laid eyes on it before, he is _sure_ fo it. So then why is it here?

Jack turns away from it to try and dispel the urge to pick it up. He brings his hand to his ear. "Hey, Tosh, there's this blue rock down here. I don't recognise it. Any chance you could come down and see what you make of it?"

_"Wouldn't it be easier just to bring it up here?"_

Jack leaves the archives room swiftly, shutting the door behind himself. "Bring gloves. I don't think anyone should touch it, not until we know what it is."

Tosh fumbles around for a moment. _"I'll be down in a second. Did you find Ianto?"_

 _Shit_. Jack almost chokes. How could he completely forget he was looking for the man in the first place? He blinks a couple of times, shakes his head and tries to sort out his thoughts, pushing that rock out of his mind. Except now his uneasy feelings have grown tremendously because maybe Ianto found the rock before he did. He was in the archives last, wasn't he?

"Um, no. I didn't. Listen, take pictures of it, okay? Don't stay in the same room with it any longer than you need to."

It sounds stupid. It's just a rock. But there's something about it that makes Jack feel like he is out of control and of course, that isn't normal. And now that he's a little further away from it, he doesn't seem to be thinking about the rock so much. Maybe it's a distance thing, or maybe it has to be within line of sight. And maybe he _is_ overreacting, but so what if he is? If it's harmless then nothing will come of it, but it might not be. And Jack can't be sure it is.

"Owen, you there?"

_"If I have to be."_

Jack would be annoyed at Owen's attitude if his heart weren't pounding in his chest and he wasn't so on edge. "Can you do a sweep of the CCTV? See if you can't spot Ianto anywhere."

_"Sure. Anything else."_

Still a little bit of attitude, but less so. Jack still can't find it in him to care. Now that he's not thinking about the rock, he can't shake Ianto from his mind. Where could he have gone? "No. Just do it quickly."

He resists the urge to turn around and walk back into the archives and instead strides away. After a few steps, he almost walks right into Toshiko and he barely manages to jump out of the way before they collide. Her attention is elsewhere since she is pulling on some leather gloves as per Jack's request.

Jack offers her a brisk smile. "Remember: take photos and study them your desk."

She seems a little confused as if she thinks Jack is taking this far too seriously but she doesn't argue; she just nods and continues past him.

Jack stands for a second, racking his brain for where he should start looking for Ianto. Because he is going to look. Even if he knows he shouldn't because he may be blowing things way out of proportion. This stupid blue rock has destroyed any self-control he may have had.

But he definitely didn't have it.

_"Jack? Yeah, CCTV'S clear. He's not here."_

Jack stills on his journey halfway up the stairs, letting that sink in. "What do you mean? Of course he's here." Jack scans his brain for any areas in the hub that don't have CCTV. All he can come up with are the bathrooms because he wants security, yes, but even he thinks that's a bit far. "Alright, uh... can you check to see what time he left the archives? If he even went there."

_"Sure thing."_

Owen's attitude has completely dissipated now and that should make Jack feel better, but it doesn't. It just means that Owen now has some reason to worry as well and Jack could cope when it was just his own paranoia because he could reason that he's lonely. Owen is not lonely.

Well, maybe he is a little. But he's not lonely because Ianto has gone walkabout. _Jack_ is.

Jack clenches his jaw and decides to check the bathroom - the only place left where Ianto could be. And if he's not there... Jack can cross that bridge when he gets to it.

Owen hasn't said anything more when Jack reaches the door to the bathroom and that's both concerning and comforting. It could mean that Ianto never went to the archives, but it could also mean that he left them only not long ago. Jack hopes for the latter.

He knocks, albeit more insistently than he intends because he's nervous and he wants answers. "Ianto? Are you in there?"

He raises his eyebrows and listens, and there's definitely something moving around inside. He tries the handle. Locked. _Of course_. Bracing himself, and praying that it's not still Gwen not listening to him, he slams his shoulder against the door and stumbles inside as it swings open.

He steadies himself very quickly and glances around the room. The first thing he notices is the gun. Instinctively, his hands head for his own gun holstered at his hip, ready to attack whatever needs attacking. He hesitates when he realises that the gun isn't actually pointed at any threat.

His eyes land on Ianto. Ianto has his back to Jack and he's leaning against the sink, gun in one hand. Jack steps forward. "Ianto?"

Ianto flinches at his voice. At least that means he can hear him, Jack thinks. Something isn't right, though. Jack leans to the side a little and looks around Ianto and into the mirror, where Ianto is staring.

Jack freezes immediately. Ianto looks _distraught_. He's crying, eyes red-rimmed and bloodshot and glistening with tears and his chest is heaving and if Jack looks closer, he can see that Ianto's grip on the sink has his knuckles turning white.

Panicked, Jack takes another step forward, followed by another. "Ianto?" he repeats.

In one swift motion, Ianto turns and raises the gun towards Jack. "Don't come any closer."

His voice is wavering and there's no venom, no anger but Jack stops moving straight away and raises his hands in surrender. He doesn't want to make this situation any worse, despite being desperate to force the gun away from Ianto and hold him to make him calm down. It's been a long time since he's seen Ianto like this and he'd hoped it'd never have to happen again.

But it has, and this seems far worse, somehow. Ianto doesn't look like he's in control. Jack can see him shaking from here, can see how unsteady the hand holding the gun is and he wants to say he knows Ianto won't pull the trigger, but he doesn't know that. Not with Ianto looking like this.

_"Jack?"_

Jack tenses. He slowly but obviously begins to move his hand towards his ear, hoping Ianto doesn't stop him. He doesn't. "Owen? What's going on?"

_"I've watched it a couple times now. Seems some blue thing turned up out of nowhere and he picked it up, stared at it for a few seconds then put it back down. Then he left."_

Jack seethes. Of course it was that stupid rock. He knew there was something about it, something _wrong_. And now he's sure it's done something to Ianto but he doesn't know what that is, or how to stop it.

_"He seemed to be in some sort of trance. He left the archives around twenty minutes ago."_

Twenty minutes. Not the longest time, but Jack wonders what the gun is for. "Yeah, I found him in the bathroom." He offers Ianto a smile but it's shaky and probably isn't conveying much other than his fear. Ianto _sobs_ and Jack squeezes his eyes shut at the sound. _What the hell did that rock do to you?_

_"What's going on? Is he alright?"_

Jack doesn't like the concern in his voice. He doesn't like knowing that there actually _is_ something to worry about and it's not just his paranoia, even though he's staring at the end of a gun being held by the person he's dating, and it's pointed straight at him.

"Not in the slightest. Listen. I need you to work with Tosh. Get Gwen to help. Find out whatever the hell that blue rock is and what it's done, and find out _now_. And figure out how we're supposed to stop it. Okay? I need you to _listen_."

Jack presses a button on his comm that will allow Owen to still hear everything that's going on and turns his attention back to Ianto. Who still has that gun pointed at him. Who is still crying. And who looks like he's going to collapse any second.

Jack returns both hands so he's still essentially surrendering, though what for he doesn't know. "Ianto, what's going on? What's happened?"

Ianto adjusts his stance so he has both hands holding the gun and Jack flinches at the movement. Because Ianto wouldn't shoot him but this clearly isn't Ianto in control right now and he knows that, okay? It can't be.

"You killed her."

Jack blinks. He must be stupid. What is Ianto talking about? _Who...?_

" _Lisa_!" Ianto yells, shaking more with the effort.

Jack flinches again. They got past this. They worked for _months_ to get past everything that happened with Lisa. So many hard but rewarding months and it's been forgotten about. Or at least, it's been left in the past. Why the hell is Ianto bringing this up now?

"She's _dead_. I was supposed to save her, but I just... I got people killed. I got _innocent people_ killed!"

Jack has to force himself to remember that night. The pizza girl, the doctor. Almost Gwen. Lives were lost and yes, it was avoidable but Jack no longer blames what happened on Ianto. He was heartbroken and he was convinced there was some way to save the woman he loved, even after seeing what the Cybermen did at Canary Wharf. He's realised that it's a testament to Ianto's character, how much good he can find in people even after everything they've done, everything they could end up doing. Jack himself has been on the receiving end of that plenty of times, far more times than he has deserved.

He cocks his head. "So, what? Are you gonna shoot me?" His voice isn't angry because _he_ isn't angry. He's scared and he knows that Ianto is probably scared, too. "You know that won't buy you long." _For whatever you want to do_ , he adds silently.

_"Wait, Jack. He has a gun? What's happening?"_

Jack ignores Owen, hoping he'll figure out what's going on on his own. Ianto doesn't need to know that anyone else is listening in. As far as he knows, it's just himself and Jack.

"I don't want to shoot you." Ianto falters and the gun lowers slightly. Jack mirrors him by lowering his own hands, searching Ianto's face for something that will explain what is going on here. What he doesn't expect is for Ianto to lift the gun again, but this time it's not pointed at Jack.

It's pointed at his own head.

Jack's heart stutters and he fights the urge to step closer. Instead he makes a point to freeze completely, hands still held out in front of himself slightly. "Ianto, what are you doing?"

His voice is shaking far too much for him to pretend to be calm because he is _not calm_. How could he be calm? Ianto touched a stupid blue rock and now he wants to kill himself so no, Jack is not calm right now.

"It won't stop," Ianto whimpers. He sobs again, digging the heel of his palm into his forehead. Tears are dribbling down his cheeks and it's physically hurting Jack to force himself to not move closer. One wrong move and Ianto could pull the trigger.

He almost throws up at the thought.

"What won't?"

_"Jack, I think we've found something! It seems to be part of an Ancient Parturian crystal. They have the power to control the emotions of their holders, apparently depending on the colour of the crystal."_

_Blue_. Would that mean sad emotions? The rock has overwhelmed Ianto's emotions just to make him feel like shit? Jack would kill it, if it was alive.

_"I think the blue crystal brings the holder's worst memories to the front of their brain and it's all they can think about. The memories that will upset them the most. Is that what's happening?"_

"The Cybermen. Lisa. Canary Wharf. I had to watch everyone and everything I knew be destroyed and I can't- Why won't it stop? I just want it to _stop_!" Ianto punctuates his last sentence by tightening his grip on the gun and for a split second, a terrifying, heartbreaking moment, Jack thinks he's going to pull the trigger.

But he just collapses against the wall, sliding down it with desperate sobs and Jack moves closer, as close as he can without touching him. "But you don't want _this_ ," Jack promises, signalling to the gun still pressed against Ianto's head. "Do you? You wouldn't do that to me."

It's a low blow, but it's all Jack has because he can't make sense of anything. Just a few hours ago they were as happy as they could be and now... now he doesn't know how to stop this. He doesn't know what's happening or how to convince Ianto to give him the gun.

Jack knows he is practically surrounding Ianto but he can't care about that. His eyes are trained on where the gun is connecting with the side of Ianto's head and he can't tear his eyes away. He's hoping that Owen is understanding what is happening because he's not exactly comfortable with just striking up a conversation with Owen when his full attention needs to be on Ianto.

" _You_ left _me_." Ianto doesn't sound at all accusing, but it hits Jack like a bullet would.

He inhales sharply, trying to compose himself. He isn't going to cry. This isn't Ianto, not really. Except it is, it's just that the memories he chooses to push to the back of his head have taken control again and Ianto has never been the best at handling those. But they handled them _together_ and they got through them _together_ but now Jack feels like he is alone and Ianto must feel a thousand times worse.

_"Okay, okay. Jack, I think we've got something. The crystal only takes control for exactly twenty-four hours from when the holder first touches it. After that, everything goes back to normal."_

_We don't have twenty-four hours!_ Jack wants to argue but he can't. "Ianto, I came back for you." Ianto shakes his head, tightenting his grip further. "I know I left. And I am sorry, you know I am. But I came back for you."

"You came back for all of us."

"Does that matter?" he demands. He's trying to keep his voice level but it's difficult when he's one small finger movement away from losing Ianto because of some dumb rock. "You were all I thought about while I was away. And okay, I feel horrible for leaving you and for making you think I wasn't coming back. But it made me realise that I want _you_. I want more than just the sex and the occasional companionship. We talked about this, remember? So many times."

Ianto is still crying, eyes squeezed shut, and his pain seems endless. "How do I know you won't just leave me again? If your doctor comes back."

"You don't," Jack says, honestly. He knows he won't leave like that, but he has no idea how to convince Ianto. His doubts are justified, what with Jack disappearing without warning before. But he couldn't do that now. He doesn't _want_ to leave. He has everything he could ask for right here, in this hub. Mainly right in front of him. "You need to trust me. You need to trust that I care too much about you to do that. And you need to trust me when I say that this, what you're feeling right now, I can stop it. I can fix it, I promise you. I just need you to give me the gun."

_"Shit, he still has that? Right, I'm preparing a sedative. If you can get that gun off of him, I can sedate him to pass the twenty-four hours. I'm heading towards the bathroom and the second you have that gun, let me know."_

Like that is going to be easy. Owen isn't the one having to talk someone out of killing themselves when he's part of the reason they want to do it.

"You can't fix everything," Ianto argues. He sounds so hopeless, so sure that Jack can't help and Jack is not okay with that. Okay, he knows that he can't make it perfect, but he has always been able to make things better eventually, even if it has taken time. He's not magic, but he is impactful. And he _will_ fix this. He has to.

Jack clenches his hands into fists, still fighting the urge to grab the gun. If he's too slow, if he misses, if Ianto moves out of the way... Jack shudders at the thought.

"Let me try," he begs. "I'm asking for one chance. Please just trust me."

It's the most tense ten seconds of Jack's life as he waits for a response. He's physically shaking, somehow more than Ianto is and he feels like _he's_ going to explode and he can't breathe because why the hell isn't Ianto answering him?

But then slowly, oh-so-slowly, Ianto begins to lower the gun and Jack lets himself get his hopes up because this is the first good thing to happen today. "Okay," Ianto whispers and he weakly holds the gun out for Jack and Jack can't hide his eagerness when he grabs it and chucks it to the furthest corner away from them.

"Fuck, thank you so much," Jack gasps, more to himself than Ianto and he finally feels like he can breathe and he wants so badly to pull Ianto close and hold him as he cries but he can't, not right now. Instead, he reaches over for Ianto's arm and begins to pull up the sleeves as he yells, "Owen, _now_."

True to his word, Owen immediately rushes in, large needle in hand. Ianto barely has time to start struggling before Owen is sticking the needle in his arm and slowly administering the sedative. Jack swallows the lump in his throat, smiling down at Ianto as best as he can and then he pulls Ianto's head down into his chest. "It's okay, you're okay," he promises as Ianto mumbles incoherently, the sedative beginning to take over. "Just relax. I've got you."

A few more seconds and Ianto slumps against Jack's chest and he finally lets himself relax. Owen sits back on his heels and runs a hand over his face. "So... that happened."

Jack laughs wetly and if he was alone, he'd definitely be crying right now. But he isn't, so he has to just take a deep breath and control himself because that rock is still here and he has a team who needs answers. "Yeah," he mumbles, subconsciously carding his fingers through Ianto's hair. "Thanks."

"Don't mention it." But Owen has the faintest smile, almost invisible and Jack knows he actually feels good about this success. "You wanna bring him to the med bay? I want to do some tests, check him over. You know, just in case."

Jack leans his head on top of Ianto's, just for a second, listening to his slow breathing. After allowing himself that second though he lifts his head again, and returns his gaze to Owen. "Yeah, sure."

He stands, hoisting Ianto up with him and any other day, he'd make some joke about holding Ianto bridal style and he'd make fun of him for needing carrying and he'd laugh and Ianto would huff and roll his eyes. The thought makes him tighten his hold on Ianto to the point it would probably be uncomfortable. If Ianto were awake, that is.

Owen walks ahead and Jack wishes he wasn't enjoying holding Ianto to his chest so much. If the circumstances were different he would definitely make the most of it, but he has to push down those feelings because Ianto has just been _sedated_ , and there's nothing to enjoy about that.

They head straight for the med bay, no detours, so Jack isn't sure if Tosh and Gwen are aware of the recent developments but that isn't one of his priorities right now. He wants to know if that rock has done anything else to Ianto, anything hidden because enough has happened already and he doesn't want any more surprises.

"It's a good thing you went looking when you did," Owen says as they walk. "If you'd been just a few minutes later, he-"

"I know," Jack interrupts. He rubs his thumb along Ianto's bicep. He doesn't want to think about what could have happened if he'd taken much longer. If he had been walking around and heard a gunshot and somehow knowing, just _knowing_ that something had happened to him...

"Anyway, welcome to my chambers," Owen says with a small grin, hands held out as he spins around slowly. "You have the choice of somewhat comfy chair, or metal table."

Neither sound appealing, but the table will make whatever Owen needs to access much more accessible, so he walks down the stairs and gently lays Ianto on the table. He keeeps his hand below Ianto's head for a moment, watches the stillness of his eyes as he rests, unplagued by dreams. Then he lays Ianto's head down too, and wishes they had something other than an autopsy table to lay him on.

It makes him look almost dead.

"Could you help me take his jacket off?" Owen asks. He is stood at the other side of the table and Jack wonders how long he's been watching.

He nods and they both manoeuvre Ianto's arms out of their sleeves and then lift him to pull the suit jacket off. Jack hangs it carefully on the back of the chair, knowing how Ianto would freak if he let it become crumpled. He lets himself smile slightly. When Owen begins rolling up one of Ianto's sleeves, Jack rolls up the other; no doubt Owen will need a few vials of blood and it'll be easier to use two arms.

"You want to tell me again about this blue rock? I barely took in anything you told me before."

"Yeah, sure," Owen agrees. He pulls a tray of needles attached to vials towards him. "Okay, so there used to be these huge crystals. Ancient Parturian. And they were a bunch of different colours and the Parturians believed that they made wishes come true. You know, magic, the whole shebang. Apparently whoever wanted their wish to come true had to give up a random memory, chosen by the crystal." Jack knows Owen didn't say any of this earlier but he doesn't care; it wasn't relevant and now he can actually listen. Owen picks up the first of many needles and brings it to the inside of Ianto's arm. Jack makes a point not to look. "The crystal would glow a bunch of different colours and then stop on one, and the colour it stopped on determined which type of memory you would lose. Could be good: you could lose a horrible memory _and_ have your wish come true. But you could also lose one of your most treasured memories, the ones that bring you the most happiness." The first vial is filled with blood and Owen places it back down and grabs another needle, then brings it to Ianto's arm.

"Seems risky," Jack says, with lack of anything better to add. Honestly he's okay with just listening right now, and he may or may not have Ianto's hand in his (more for his own benefit because let's be honest, Ianto doesn't know what's going on).

"Yeah. So some idiot wondered what would happen if he shattered one of the crystals. You know, so that way he could pick which type of memory he would lose and still get the wish. He could get rid of memories that brought him pain, upset him, made him angry, and he could keep the happy ones." Another vial filled with blood. "Let's switch sides, yeah?"

It takes Jack a second to realise he isn't continuing the story and is in fact asking him a question. He nods, dropping Ianto's hand and walks round to the side Owen is at while Owen heads for the side Jack was at, two needles in hand. Jack pulls down Ianto's sleeve and does the button back up, then latches onto his hand again. He doesn't want to stare at the slight bruises forming on the inside of his arm, and he knows he would unless they're covered.

"But apparently, the crystal was not happy with being shattered. It's a bit of a myth from this point. Unconfirmed. But the most believed story is that is just... disappeared. Gone. And ever since, parts of the crystal would turn up at random places and people would pick them up and, well, you know the rest. Depending on the colour of the crystal, they'd become victim to their memories."

Both of the vials are filled and Owen moves back over to the tray and places them down. Jack heads back around to the other side and pulls Ianto's other sleeve down and buttons that one, too. "So, what? It's that simple? Blue crystal for sad memories, green for happy, red for angry?"

Owen shrugs. He grabs the scanner and holds it over Ianto's body. "Seems like it. It's a little bit like a hallucinogenic, I guess. And how the person reacts depends on the person and the memories. And I mean, let's be honest: Ianto's memories aren't exactly normal."

Jack's shoulders sag. Ianto doesn't have many happy memories. "It was too much for him to handle." He's mumbling mostly to himself but save for the beeping of the scanner, the room is silent and he knows Owen probably hears him.

"It wasn't him, Jack," Owen assures him. He's staring at the screen, studying the scan of Ianto's body. Jack would look but he doesn't know what to look for, so instead he watches Ianto's face, still and unmoving. "Not really. They were his memories but they were also meant to completely overwhelm him. They would've been all he could think about, all he could see when he closed his eyes. Not to be dramatic or anything, but it's a miracle you got that gun away from him."

Jack stiffens. He doesn't know if Owen is aware that Ianto had been pointing the gun at himself for most of their exchange, but it doesn't matter. According to Owen, one of them should have died. And if it had been up to Ianto, Jack would be the one left standing.

If Ianto had been smart, he would have shot Jack first. If he hadn't been so overwhelmed, he may have seen that shooting Jack would have been the easiest way to get what he had wanted. If he had shot Jack, and Jack had come back to life only to find Ianto dead next to him...

Jack has to bite back a sob. "Stupid rock," he mutters.

Owen huffs out a small laugh. "All clear," he announces, shutting off the scanner. "I'm gonna get these tested." He picks up the vials. "I'm honestly not expecting to find anything here, Jack, so don't worry. These are just precautions, what with how old the crystal is."

"I know," Jack says but he can't help but eye the vials warily. "Did you manage to translate the writing on the rock?"

Owen shakes his head. "I didn't think that was a priority. The girls are working on that now, but it looks like it's gonna take a while. Like I said, old crystal. Probably not many translations to go off of."

Jack just nods and folds his arms across his chest. He's still staring at Ianto, watching the steady rise and fall of his chest because he almost lost him and that is far too much for Jack to handle right now. "Will the sedative last the full time?"

Owen is taking notes about something but Jack doesn't care to look at what it is. Unless it's bad. Owen would have said if it was bad, he's sure. "It should. It affects everyone differently so I can't guarantee that it'll last twenty-four hours, but it should last at least twenty. And you'll have a little warning before he wakes up so if it wears off early, you'll have a chance to restrain him."

 _Restrain_ him. Jack involuntarily tenses at the suggestion but it's possible he'll have to, if Ianto wakes up before the twenty-four hours have passed. He's going to have to tie him up to stop him from trying to kill himself.

"And it's safe to give him a sedative that lasts that long?"

Owen turns to him, glaring slightly. "Of course it's safe." His glare drops when he notices the expression on Jack's face, and Jack can't imagine he looks all that good at the moment. "Okay, it was a huge dose. I panicked and just gave him as much as I could that I knew should last long enough. It's safe." Jack lowers his gaze back down to Ianto. He'll be asleep like this for at least the next twenty hours; that's a hell of a long time. "He'll feel like shit when he wakes up. He'll be groggy and he'll be dehydrated so he'll need a glass of water. Chances are he'll probably just want to go right back to sleep, so the crystal's effects may not even surface before he's unconscious again."

It's a wonder to Jack how Ianto will want to fall back asleep after nearly twenty-four hours of 'sleeping', but he knows how sedatives work, and he knows Ianto will not want to wake up when it wears off. So that's twenty-four-plus hours that Jack is going to have to pass because there's no way he's leaving Ianto alone. He trusts Owen, and he trusts Owen's medical opinions, but there's no telling if this rock could have done something that means the sedative's effects will be weakened and Ianto will somehow wake up even earlier than Owen predicts.

"Will you stay with him for a minute?" Jack requests. Owen motions to the notes and the vials of blood and Jack knows he's probably going to be stuck here for at least the next hour, but he still wanted to ask.

Jack reluctantly turns away from Ianto and makes his way towards Gwen and Tosh, who he assumes are at their desks, still. They're crowded around Tosh's desk, photos of the rock pulled up on one screen and a translator on the other.

"Any luck?"

Both turn to glance at him. "No," Tosh mumbles, and she sounds more disappointed than Jack feels. It's probably frustrating for her to not be able to figure this out, but for Jack, she's figured out more than enough. "It's going to take hours, at least."

"How is he?" Gwen asks, her voice soft and sympathetic. "Owen said he had a gun?"

Jack grits his teeth. He really doesn't want to talk about this right now. He wants to push it as far from his mind as possible, as soon as possible. "He's fine," he states simply, hoping Gwen won't push it. "It's been dealt with."

Gwen opens her mouth as if to say something more but she seems to stop herself and just nods minutely. Jack might have ignored her if she'd asked more questions. Answering them isn't really his focus right now.

"Do you need me here?" he asks, keeping his voice level. He doesn't need to show emotion around them, but he certainly doesn't want to be here. He just wants them to let him go but even if they say they need him, he's not sure he _could_ stay. Ianto needs him more. He knows another option is to keep him in the autopsy bay and someone could always be looking after him, but Jack doesn't trust anyone but himself with that.

He has to make amends for what he let happen.

Gwen narrows her eyes, then straightens up. "No, of course not!" she exclaims, far too happy and understanding for Jack's liking. She doesn't understand. She _can't_ understand what he's just gone through. No one can. "You should be with him."

"Likelihood is I won't be here tomorrow, either," he continues, looking at both of them individually to try and gauge their reactions. Tosh doesn't seem fazed, like she was expecting this, and Gwen has a small smile plastered on her face. The one she uses when she's talking to a victim's family. Jack shudders again.

He is no victim.

"We'll be fine, Jack," she insists. "You need to be with him."

 _I know_ , Jack wants to say but instead he nods curtly at each of them and turns away to walk back to the med bay. Ianto hasn't moved - obviously - and Owen is labelling the vials of blood. Owen looks over at Jack as Jack walks down the stairs.

"Is it safe to take him home?" Jack asks, the word 'home' still feeling foreign to him. Really it's Ianto's home, but Jack is coming to realise that his home is wherever Ianto may be. Not that he'd ever admit that. He migrates towards Ianto and takes his hand again.

Owen smirks and Jack feels a sudden urge to punch him. "Yeah, it's safe." Owen raises an eyebrow as Jack intertwines his fingers with Ianto's and Owen's gaze would normally make him stop, but not today. Today has been anything but normal. "You gonna be with him the whole time?"

There's no judgement in his voice and that still has Jack feeling uneasy. "That's the plan."

"Good," Owen says. "Guess I don't need to tell you to keep a close eye on him." Jack smiles a little bit. Owen lays the vials down in the tray and glances over his notes. Jack feels he isn't actually doing any working right now and is just waiting for him to leave. "As you know, call me if you need me. Try not to unless it's life or death, though."

Jack manages a small chuckle, somehow, and takes that as his cue to end his time here for the day. He reaches over to grab Ianto's suit jacket and swings it over his shoulder, then bends down and curls his arms beneath Ianto's knees and back and hoists him up, tight against his chest. "Same to you." Owen waves slightly without looking at Jack. Jack hesitates. "Owen, seriously. Thank you."

He sees Owen grin and raise his head. "Just doing my job."

Jack rolls his eyes but a new sense of relief has filled him now that he can focus solely on Ianto, now that he knows that there's most likely nothing else wrong with him. He can take him home and look after him and when Ianto wakes up, Jack can figure out what the hell he's going to do about what happened today. Because he knows that this wasn't really Ianto, but they _were_ his memories. And the rock may have forced them forward, but it's clear that Ianto still has something to work through regarding them. What if one day it just hits him particularly hard? What if he does _seriously_ think about suicide because of everything he's been through?

Jack clears his throat to force the lump that was forming away. No crying. _It wasn't Ianto_ , he reminds himself. But he can't shake the voice that's saying that maybe, part of it was.

He straightens himself up, further tightening his hold on Ianto and makes his way to the garage. When he reaches Ianto's car, he fumbles around inside Ianto's trouser pocket as carefully as he can to grab his keys, then unlocks it. He opens the back door first and lays Ianto down carefully along the back seats, trying to make him comfortable even though Ianto can't actually feel anything right now.

Jack sits in the driver's seat and slumps for a second, trying to stop his mind from racing. Twenty-four hours. That's a lot of time to pass waiting for Ianto to wake up, while at the same time kind of wanting him to stay asleep. What if somehow Owen is wrong, and the effects don't last twenty-four hours? What if the effects don't actually wear off, or there needs to be some sort of antidote administered to cure him?

Jack sighs deeply, knowing no one can hear him. Ianto is visible through the rearview mirror, something which is bringing Jack great comfort right now and he starts the engine, searching himself for the energy to drive. It isn't there, but he finds himself beginning to drive anyway; he can't sit in this car forever.

He drives to Ianto's flat in no rush because he has a lot of time to kill. Still, it doesn't take long for him to arrive and he's glad it's beginning to get dark out because hopefully fewer people will be around. He doesn't need himself and Ianto being stared at.

Jack parks the car and sits for another moment, watching Ianto through the rearview mirror. Some part of him is searching for something, though he doesn't know what; there's not much he can gain from a sedated man lying in the back seat of his car.

"Here we are," he mumbles into the air of the car. He frowns at the following silence but does his best to compose himself. He needs to get Ianto inside.

Jack grabs the keys and turns off the engine, then climbs out of the car. He opens the back door and reaches in to pull Ianto out as gently as he can, and he yet again has Ianto in his arms. After locking the car, Jack turns and heads towards Ianto's flat. Of course Ianto has to live on the second floor. Jack huffs as he carries him, but before he knows it he's at Ianto's door and he unlocks it and steps inside, kicking the door shut behind himself.

"Welcome home," he says with as much energy as he can muster, flicking on the light.

Instinctively, he heads for the bedroom, intending to lay Ianto down on the bed. He freezes though, because he doesn't want Ianto to even be in a different room to him, and he is not sitting in the bedroom for twenty-four hours. And he isn't going to sleep until Ianto wakes up. Even if he was, he's not comfortable sleeping next to Ianto while he's sedated, not like this.

So he turns toward the sofa instead and lays Ianto down on top of that. He makes short work of Ianto's shoes and socks, then his trousers, then his shirt, leaving him in a t-shirt and boxers. He heads into the bedroom to find some comfortable clothing for the both of them because he isn't wearing this for the next twenty-four hours.

He hangs up Ianto's suit jacket first, then finds a t-shirt and sweatpants for the both of them after a few moments of digging through Ianto's drawers and hastily returns to the sitting room. Ianto is exactly how Jack left him, a fact which is both comforting and upsetting, and Jack makes his way back over to him. He removes the rest of Ianto's clothing and, with a little struggle, dresses Ianto back up in something more comfortable.

He wishes these were different circumstances, ones where he could appreciate the fact that Ianto was just _naked_ in front of him. But they're not, and Jack is left bundling up his clothes and piling them into the washing basket (which is, of course, otherwise empty). He returns to Ianto, and manoeuvres him so he is laying on his side, somewhat more comfortable although Ianto can't actually tell. Then he pulls a blanket down from over the back of the sofa and covers him with it.

He may or may not make a point to tuck Ianto in.

Jack stands back, admiring his work. This is the best he can manage without Ianto actually being awake to help. He reaches for the remote on the coffee table and turns on the television, just for a little background noise; this place is too quiet, too empty. Jack isn't alone, but he pretty much is.

He grabs the clothes he picked out himself, deciding to go for a shower. Better to get it out of the way now when he's sure Ianto won't wake up, and that way he'll have all the time in the world to focus on him. Even if there's not much to focus on.

His shower is as quick as he can make it, and he barely takes the time to rinse the shampoo out of his hair before he's turning the shower off and climbing out. He dries himself off and dresses in a t-shirt and sweatpants of his own. Not his normal choice of clothing, but there's not much choice. Yet again, he returns to the sitting room.

Now, he just has to find a way to pass the time.

* * *

The first few hours pass excruciatingly slowly.

Jack orders in some food and picks a film to watch. Ianto doesn't have much of a collection - most are old and in black and white, and Jack isn't normally picky but they also seem to be centred around events in history and Jack is not in the mood for a documentary. So he surfs all the channels on the TV until he finally just stops on a channel that plays non-stop films.

Not much of a choice then, really.

He is sat on the floor in front of the sofa that Ianto is laying on, as close to Ianto as he can possibly be without actually being on the sofa with him. He wants nothing more than to hold him, but it doesn't feel right touching him too much while he's sedated, and he wants to wait until Ianto has actually woken up before he does anything like that (even if he just wishes to hold him against his chest and never let go).

That doesn't mean he won't hold his hand, maybe occasionally press it against his cheek for comfort because it's all he has right now. It's been hours but everything is still pent up inside of him and he's so very close to snapping; he's just trying to determine if it's better to snap _now_ , or to wait until Ianto is awake to do it.

Four hours in, Owen calls for an over-the-phone check-up. Every test on Ianto's blood came back normal, so there's officially nothing else to worry about, and Ianto is still deep under the sedative's spell. Owen says they're all leaving the hub now so to only call if Ianto is literally dying and Jack wishes he could find the energy to laugh at that. He just hangs up.

Nine hours in, Jack's back begins to hurt. He walks laps of Ianto's flat to ease the discomfort but finds himself itching to return to the sitting room each and every time he leaves. The walking does nothing to slow down the thoughts in his head, and he soon has to desperately force away the thoughts that wonder what _he_ would have been forced to see had he touched the rock himself. Ianto's memories are bad, but some of Jack's are worse, and he has a lot more of them. _So many more_. Many of them are so bad his brain has buried them so far down that he can't even actively remember them. There's no doubt the rock would have still been able to dig them up.

After nearly an hour of pacing and forcing those thoughts to the back of his mind, Jack goes to the only place he can think of to keep them at bay: back right next to Ianto. He sits, knees pulled to his chest, breathing harsh and laboured, Ianto's hand in his again. He slows his breathing down, matching his breath to Ianto's as much as he can. It's all he can do.

Twelve hours in. Halfway through. Jack is _so bored_. Waiting for Ianto to wake is the only thing keeping him sane. He decides to wash any dirty clothes - those being the ones he and Ianto were wearing today, and only those. He wants to clean to pass the time but this being Ianto's flat, there is no mess. Not even a tiny bit.

Not even a speck of dust.

Jack slams his fist against the counter; in frustration or rage, he doesn't know. All he does know is that this is getting to be too much to bear, all this waiting. He feels completely useless, utterly helpless. The last time he spoke to Ianto, Ianto had a gun to his head, held by himself. And Jack is getting tired of that being his most recent memory of him, his most potent memory of him. It's driving him insane.

He straightens himself up, breathes in deeply, and returns to the sitting room yet again. Just twelve more hours to go.

The second he hits hour eighteen, Jack loses any sense of patience. He finds himself looking behind him at Ianto every few minutes, just in case. He knows Owen said the sedative should last at least twenty hours, but Jack isn't trusting anything right now. Still six hours to go, but they're going to be six agonisingly long hours.

At hour twenty, Jack can't find the strength to even look away from Ianto for more than a few seconds. He has to know as soon as the sedative wears off, though he does not know if he will be able to restrain Ianto. He knows he might have to, but it's not exactly something he's looking forward to. He just hopes that he'll be able to lull Ianto back to sleep until the twenty-four hours are up.

Twenty-one hours and forty-three minutes in, Ianto's hand twitches in Jack's. Jack's head lifts from where it is resting on the edge of the sofa, eyes wide. It's entirely possible that that was just exactly that - a _twitch_ \- but this would be the first, and Jack doesn't believe that.

He is proven right when Ianto's hand moves again, more firmly, momentarily gripping Jack's hand. Jack grips back, sitting up straighter and watching expectantly. His heart is pounding and he is torn between staying exactly where he is and finding something to tie Ianto's hands together with. He always thought if he tied Ianto up, it'd be for a far more kinky reason.

Ultimately, he realises he _can't_ move when Ianto's eyebrows furrow and he burrows his face into the cushion his head is on. "Mmph," he groans, reaching out his other hand. It clasps around nothing.

"Hey," Jack whispers. Despite everything he smiles, albeit a sad one, one that is desperate for the power of that rock to wear off so he can have Ianto back. He brings his hand to the side of Ianto's head, carding his fingers through the short hair there.

Ianto's eyes open slightly, so far unplagued by memories. "Jack?" he mumbles, voice strained. Jack knows he needs water, but right now he really needs to fall back asleep. Just two more hours to pass and he can have all the damn water he pleases. Jack really doesn't want to spend those two hours with Ianto awake and restrained; he'd much rather he rest. "Wha's-"

"Ssh," Jack shushes him, hand cupped against his cheek. He strokes his thumb along his cheekbone, and Ianto's eyes fall closed again. "Just go back to sleep. You're okay."

Ianto's eyebrows remain furrowed, pouting slightly, and he looks as if he has a headache. As if the memories are trying to fight their way forward. But he very quickly nestles back against the cushion, breaths evening out again. Jack slumps against the sofa, exhaling deeply. Ianto will for sure sleep for the next two hours. All Jack has to do is wait until the twenty-four hours are up, and wake him up again.

And hopefully the rock's influence will have worn off. If not...

Jack doesn't want to think of the 'if not'.

Just two more hours to kill.

* * *

Jack paces again to pass the last hour.

It's infuriating not knowing what Ianto will be like when Jack wakes him up. Jack knows that the likelihood is that he'll be back to normal, but maybe there will be some lasting psychological damage. Or maybe the effects won't have worn off at all. They can't know for sure, not with how old that rock is.

The twenty-fourth hour passes, and the first thing Jack does is check the time. Then he checks it again. Then again. Then he pulls out his phone and calls Owen to get him to check the CCTV again to make sure he has the exact moment Ianto picked up the rock, and exactly what time it happened at.

Twenty-four hours and seven minutes ago.

Owen assures him that if the effects would wear off after twenty-four hours, they will have worn off by now. Jack is tempted to wait another hour, but Owen keeps promising that it should be fine. And that if it isn't, they need to know as soon as possible so they can find another way to fix it. Jack finally gives in.

He kneels down next to the sofa, in front of Ianto's head. He still hesitates, despite his decreasing doubt, because he's still a little scared. Okay, he's a lot scared. If the rock still has a hold on Ianto, then none of them will know what to do. He'll have to tie Ianto up for an indefinite amount of time, with no idea how long it'll be before he can let him go. But if it hasn't worn off now, it never will, so there's no point in waiting.

"Ianto," Jack whispers, bringing his hand to shake Ianto's shoulders slightly. Ianto stirs immediately, pushing against Jack's hand. Jack jostles him again, a tad more forcefully. "Come on, Yan. You've had your beauty sleep. Time to wake up."

"Go 'way," Ianto grumbles, voice thick with sleep. He stops struggling though, and lets out a deep breath, his eyes opening slowly. He's attempting to glare but he's so tired, it's just pathetic.

He reaches over to the coffee table to grab a full glass of water. "Here, sit up," he commands quietly, waiting for Ianto to sit up just a little. He then hands the glass to Ianto, who takes it gratefully and downs it in just a few seconds.

The glass is placed back on the table and Jack immediately turns back to Ianto. He searches his eyes, searches for any signs that point to the memories taking hold, but Ianto's eyes just narrow.

"What?" Ianto groans as he rubs his eyes. "Why are you staring?"

Jack doesn't want to let himself get his hopes up too soon. The memories don't seem to be present, but he can't let himself trust that. Not yet. He's still on edge, waiting for them to take over because he will restrain Ianto if it means saving his life. He _will_ , as much as it would break his heart. "How are you feeling?"

Ianto still looks confused, still exhausted, like he could fall back asleep any moment. "Like shit," he says bluntly. He yawns and stretches. He isn't fully awake yet and Jack still is trying to breathe, trying to calm himself because so far so good, but that still doesn't mean they're in the clear. "Why did you wake me up?" He looks towards the window, eyebrows furrowing, then looks down at the sofa, then over to his coffee table. "What- Why are we in my flat?"

Jack swallows thickly. "What's the last thing you remember?" He doesn't really want to hear Ianto talk about it, but he has to know what lasting damage the rock has caused, if any.

"Uh..." Ianto brings his hand to his head, squeezes his eyes shut for a moment like he's racking his brain and Jack desperately hopes that _those_ memories stay hidden, that he doesn't dig them up. Not right now. "We were at the hub. I was working in the archives, I thought. What's going on?"

He's beginning to sound panicked and Jack is quick to sit up on the sofa next to him, grabbing Ianto's hands with his. He strokes his thumbs across Ianto's knuckles, ducking his head to look directly into his eyes. "Calm down, it's okay," he promises. He lifts one hand to Ianto's jaw, cupping it gently. Ianto shivers beneath his hold, but his panic seems to fade just a little. "I'll explain what happened, just... I need you to stay calm. Can you do that?"

Ianto doesn't _look_ calm, but he nods anyway. His free hand surrounds the one Jack has held against his jaw. "Just tell me. Please."

Jack has no idea where to start, now that he actually has to talk. He thought Ianto might remember at least some of it and that would give him somewhere to start. Apparently he was wrong. "It's going to sound a little bit weird at first, but just go with it, okay?" Ianto just stares. Jack takes a few second to breathe. He thought if Ianto had remembered, his crying might be justified. But now he's just telling a story and he shouldn't cry while he's telling this story. He has to compose himself. "So you last remember being in the archives, right? That was yesterday."

Jack feels Ianto tense. He takes his hand from Ianto's cheek and surrounds one of Ianto's hands with both of his own, hoping it's bringing him some comfort. Because this is going to be a lot to take in. " _Yesterday_? But-"

"Ianto," Jack interrupts, eyebrows raising. "I said I'll explain. Trust me." Ianto's jaw clenches and he gulps, but nods again. Sometimes Jack wonders why Ianto is often so quick to trust him when Jack asks. There's so much about him that Ianto doesn't know, and although Ianto knows him better than anyone, his knowledge barely scratches the surface. "You were in there for around two hours. Now, we don't know what exactly happened because there's only so much the CCTV can tell us. But part of an ancient Parturian crystal appeared, and you picked it up."

Ianto is back to looking confused, far more so than before. "It just showed up out of nowhere? And I just picked it up? I would not-"

Jack squeezes Ianto's hand and Ianto falters, frowning. "Let me speak," Jack says. Ianto sighs. "I was in the same room as it for a couple of minutes. It seems to draw people towards it, making them want to pick it up because that's how it affects people. You have to touch it. I know you wouldn't have picked it up normally, but it pretty much forced you to." Ianto stares down at his hands, frown increasing. He flexes his free hand, as if he's testing it. "Ianto, from this point onward, I need you to understand that you were not in control. No part of you was in control."

Ianto gulps again, hand tightening in Jack's. "What happened?"

Jack shuts his eyes for a second, steadying himself. He has to remain neutral. He has to try to stay calm, to not overwhelm Ianto because this isn't about him. It's about the man sitting in front of him, looking far too panicked for Jack's liking. The sooner he explains, the sooner he can calm Ianto down. "The crystal forces the memories that would make you feel the worst to the forefront of your brain. In your case, it was... it was Lisa, and Canary Wharf. And I think also my leaving when the Doctor came back." Ianto's cheeks flush red though his frown is still evident, and strong. He's trembling, Jack can both see and feel it and he wishes he could do more to soothe him. "I'm not sure of any others, but those were the memories you mentioned. You took your gun, and you locked yourself in the bathroom." Jack wipes quickly at his eyes as he feels them begin to burn. _No crying_. "By this point, I'd started searching for you. You hadn't offered me a coffee for a couple of hours so I knew something was up." He chuckles to try and lighten the mood but in no way is it sincere. Ianto's frown doesn't budge. "I, uh... I found you in the bathroom and you were freaking out. You were crying and when you noticed me, you pulled the gun on me."

Ianto lets out a choked sound and Jack flinches at it, fearing he'll lose his own composure. "Did I- Did I kill you?"

Jack lets out a breathless laugh. "No." He hesitates, trying to figure out how to put it into words. _Just say it_. "Ianto, you were going to kill yourself."

It takes exactly one second for that to register with Ianto and when it does, he immediately pulls his hand from Jack harshly and stands, facing away from Jack. He brings his hands to the sides of his head and _whimpers_ and it's so similar to how it was yesterday, that Jack begins to panic himself. His heart is already pounding and he's already so close to snapping as it is, he doesn't need Ianto freaking out, too. He needs to calm him down. "Why would I do that? _Why can't I remember_?!"

Jack follows him, stands directly in front of him. "Ianto," Jack says, lowering his gaze to try to meet Ianto's eyes. No such luck: Ianto's eyes are squeezed shut and even though Jack is sure the rock's powers have faded completely, there's still a small part of him that fears otherwise. Jack brings his hands to the sides of Ianto's neck and lifts his head. "Ianto, look at me. You promised you'd stay calm."

" _Calm_? How can I stay calm? I don't understand what's happening!"

"What happened doesn't matter!" Jack argues, his voice raising a little. He doesn't mean to yell but he's barely holding on as it is and him crying isn't going to make this easier for Ianto. "I talked you out of it. I got the gun away from you. We sedated you, and now the crystal has no power over you. You're okay. Perfectly okay and _that's_ what matters." Jack is still eternally grateful that he managed to talk Ianto out of it, that he somehow broke though the hold the crystal had on him, that Ianto trusted him so damn much that even an ancient crystal that powerful couldn't fully come between them. Ianto's fingers grip Jack's wrists and Jack worries for a moment that he's going to push Jack's hands away from his neck. But he just holds, eyes glistening. "I know it's confusing, and I'm sorry I can't fix that. I'm sorry that I can't help you remember but even if I could... Ianto, I'm not sure I'd _want_ to." Jack coughs to cover the oncoming sob that threatens to escape. "Fuck, I thought I was going to lose you."

He can't hold it in any more. To stop Ianto having to see his tears, Jack curls his hand around the back of Ianto's neck and pulls his head into his shoulder, holding him in the tightest hug he can. He half-expects Ianto to struggle, to push Jack off of him but the man's arms just come up weakly behind Jack's back and he grips the back of Jack's t-shirt.

"I'm sorry," Ianto mumbles, voice muffled by Jack's shoulder.

Jack just tightens his grip and now that Ianto can't see his face, he lets a few tears fall. Just a few, and just because he is holding Ianto right now, and he's alive and he's safe and that rock is nowhere to be seen. He's only letting himself break just a little because this is what he's been waiting for. "You haven't done anything wrong," Jack promises and he sniffs, and Ianto probably knows that he's crying because he can't do much to hide it now. But there's no need to bring it up. "Is there anything I can do to make this better for you?"

Ianto laughs wetly. He pulls away from Jack just a little so their faces are right in front of each other, noses almost brushing. "You could come to bed with me." Jack raises an eyebrow. Ianto rolls his eyes, almost glowering. "To sleep, Jack. Get your mind out of the gutter."

Jack smirks, but there's honestly nothing he would like more. "You go ahead. I'll join you in a minute."

Ianto brushes the side of Jack's face with his thumb, then leans in for a kiss. It's short, their lips only connecting for a couple of seconds but Jack's heart flutters as his eyes slip closed at the sensation. Then Ianto pulls away and Jack can only think about how he almost lost that forever. "Don't take too long."

Ianto heads for the living room and Jack does a quick clean up of the sitting room. He turns off the television, which has been on extremely low volume this whole time anyway, then tidies up the sofa, then takes the empty glass to the kitchen and washes that.

Once he's satisfied, he joins Ianto in the bedroom. Ianto is sitting at the edge of the bed, his head in his hands. "You okay?"

Ianto raises his head. His eyes are glassy and Jack knows he's still tired, though it's a mystery how. "Yes. I just wish I could remember something. I don't understand how I can't remember one single moment of it."

He still looks completely overwhelmed and Jack hopes it's just the exhaustion, that this won't affect him for much longer. "I would really rather you didn't," he admits as he takes a seat next to Ianto. "Seriously. It wasn't exactly a fun time."

Ianto frowns again, and this time he's staring intently at Jack. "Are _you_ okay?" He's searching Jack's eyes for something, just like Jack was doing to him earlier. It's quite uncomfortable.

Jack forces a smile and looks away. "You know me. I'm fine now that you're okay."

Ianto doesn't look convinced, but Jack refuses to let Ianto try to get him to talk right now. Ianto can barely keep his eyes open as it is and Jack intends to hold him to this whole 'going to sleep' thing. Thankfully, Ianto simply nods and they both climb into the bed and under the duvet, Jack reaching over to turn off the lamp. Jack lies on his back and Ianto immediately lies right next to him, head on Jack's shoulder, arm across Jack's chest.

"I know you say I have nothing to apologise for, but I'm still sorry for putting you through that."

Jack sighs, though not in annoyance. He brings his arm to curve around Ianto's shoulders. "Ianto, sleep."

"Will we talk about this?" Ianto sounds unsure, hesitant almost, as he lifts his head slightly to meet Jack's eyes in the dark.

Jack raises his eyebrows, gently nudging Ianto's head back down. "Yes, if that's what you want. But for now _I_ want to sleep."

Ianto chuckles softly.

It takes Jack almost an hour to actually fall asleep. All he's wanted since this started is to hold Ianto, and now he has him in his arms, safe and secure and _alive_. And there's no fear of him waking up and Jack needing to restrain him. He's safe and for the first time since that stupid rock turned up, Jack can let himself relax.

This was one hell of a day.


End file.
